Five ways to connect that you might not have thought of

People are lonelier than ever, which makes courage more important than ever

Written BY

Helen Lawson Williams

Chief Everything Else Officer @TANK, in charge of everything that's not tech. Research psychologist and former management consultant, committed to ending burnout.

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September 20, 2024

As social animals, connection and belonging - feeling safe with our people - buffer stress as it’s happening, and over the long run play a central role in a long life, well-lived. That means connection is a key way to prevent burnout.

Connection can be a challenge, though. We’re more polarised, more distracted, more isolated, and lonelier than we’ve ever been, but there are still good ways of building, rebuilding, and strengthening our connections with each other. Here are five of the best:

Reach out, even if it’s awkward

In this beautiful interview, the US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy points out that “we sometimes think that the world of people who care about us is a lot smaller than it really is”. His recommendation: reach out every day to someone you care about, beyond those you live with - even if you’re feeling embarrassed to have been out of touch. They’ll be grateful for the call.

Speak up, gently and curiously

Sunita Sah was writing about wellbeing when she recommended speaking up when we disagree with something. She points out that we often avoid disagreeing for fear of harming a relationship. Ironically, engaging kindly and with curiosity often has the opposite effect - by resolving miscommunications, responding to what might have been a clumsy bid for connection, or just understanding a bit better where the other person’s coming from. Even if you still don’t agree, you’ll have learned something.

You first

Even the extraverts among us need a little time to themselves. Solitude also appears on Murthy’s list of ways to connect better, and for good reason: when we’re constantly connected to devices, we’re rarely truly alone. Solitude is about taking the social stimulation down and making room for connecting with yourself, and with nature. Whether it's an early morning swim or a quiet walk after a meal, carving out some "me time" can make or break the trickier interactions of the day.

Embrace boredom

In her book Hanging Out, Shelia Liming makes a case for “spending time with others without trying to put too many expectations upon what that time has to do, or what it has to result in, or what it has to produce.” Sometimes spending unstructured, extended time with your people is just a bit… boring. And that’s ok.

Give time to make time

Researchers studying “time famine” looked at multiple ways to help people feel less pressed. Only one gave people a sense of “time affluence”: spending time helping someone else. We can experience time spent helping others as time added to our day, rather than lost. Spending the same amount of time on ourselves, by contrast, doesn’t seem to have the same effect.

The thread that links these five? They’ve all got a good chance of making you feel a little uncomfortable at first. Like trying out a new recipe, it might not pan out perfectly the first time. But that’s the joy of building real connections:

You get to try again.

Further Reading
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