January 19, 2024
Remember when you were a kid and peer pressure was a thing? Most of us had to learn to identify when our friends were leading us into risky behaviours, and resist the urge to follow along. As adults, we're still susceptible to social pressure, from peers at work, friends, family, and particularly from people who have real influence over how well we do at work or other areas of life: managers, clients, mentors, stakeholders.
As roles at work and at home become less well defined and more responsive to what's required in the moment, dealing with social pressure is becoming more important. In this article, we outline how to spot when you're being pressured into taking on more work than is fair or reasonable, and to handle the situation in a way that both changes the behaviour so that you're not constantly having to push against it, and strengthens the relationship in the process.
Social pressure drives burnout
When you're surrounded by people burning the midnight oil, it can be hard to resist the urge to join them - even if your own immediate workload doesn't really require it. Fitting the mold of the "ideal worker" who always puts work first can feel easier than breaking it, at least in the short term.
Added to these implicit pressures are more explicit ones, often from a manager, client or other stakeholder, which can quickly lead to overload if they're not addressed directly. This can be particularly hard to do in knowledge work, where it's common for contracts and job descriptions to include ill-defined phrases like "additional hours as required."
Explicit pressure can also occur at home, for example when a spouse encourages excessive overtime or rapid career progression to support financial goals, or when an elderly relative demands more time for support than you have available to give.
Spotting unhelpful social signals from people who are important to you is a critical first step in addressing the issue.
Taking the pressure off
Once you've identified where undue pressure is coming from, it's time to do some deliberate planning and design work. How much can you sustainably take on? What's fair and reasonable for the role or roles you're looking at?
If the pressure is coming mainly from the behaviour of those around you, remember that social pressure works both ways: by being deliberate about when you work late, and when you leave to take care of other priorities, for example, you're also sending a signal that others may find helpful in changing their own routines. Finding allies will make this kind of divergent behaviour easier, too.
If the pressure is more explicit, remember that no-one else will have a full view of everything you're juggling. In the case of a busy manager, they may not even have a good view of everything you're trying to get done at work. Have an open discussion about what you've got on, and the time allocation and priorities you think are reasonable. In most cases, this will lead to constructive conversation that helps everyone get their most important needs met.
Even if this doesn't reduce the pressure directly - your client or your elderly parent refuses to budge - you've at least defined for yourself what "good" looks like, and created greater control over your situation. If you choose to remain in a social environment that drives stress, you've at least done so deliberately, perhaps to meet a higher-order value like financial security. Reminding yourself of that will help to mitigate your stress. And having asked once, you may find that the negotiation gets easier the next time around.
