January 10, 2024
We're built to avoid what's unpleasant, so it's natural that difficult emotions often prompt us to choose distraction or denial over dealing with them deliberately. Here's why it's worth overcoming that avoidance, and how to do it constructively.
Why it's worth facing into discomfort
Emotions are information. They clue us in to whatever our pre-conscious brain is preparing our body for. The patterns our brain is following - what it's trying to prepare us for - are based partly on what we're wired for, and partly on past experience.
Those patterns may or may not be useful for the particular situation you're in. The only way you'll know for sure is by noticing what's going on, sorting out where it's coming from, and deciding your real best option - which may be quite different from the action your initial emotional response is pointing you towards.
There are situations where this kind of observation won't be sensible or even possible in the moment: when you spot an oncoming car as you're crossing the street, for example, there won't be time to judge whether that surge of fear is necessary; you'll be busy getting out of the way. But in many cases, our most unpleasant emotions are prompted either by current social interactions combined with patterns we've learned from past ones, or by unhelpful thoughts about those same interactions. Both can increase stress and interfere with recovery, so they're well worth addressing if you want to eliminate burnout.
How to deal constructively with difficult emotions
All animals are built to avoid unpleasant things, and humans are no different. That naturally makes it hard to look closely at unpleasant emotions. To add to the difficulty, many cultures regard strong emotions, particularly negative ones, as irrational or even shameful - a kind of failure of adult functioning.
This means the first step to dealing with difficult emotions constructively is to notice and acknowledge when they're happening, with curiosity and kindness. Judging what you're feeling as "good", "bad" or "should be different" won't be helpful here. Instead, practise curiosity about what's going on: what happened to make you feel this way, what is your pre-conscious brain pointing you towards, where might that pattern have come from, and what might your other options be?
Many of the early indicators for burnout are unpleasant feelings: persistent tiredness, irritability, low motivation. These are signals that your balance is off. They don't necessarily mean that you need to make major changes, but they're worth paying attention to. If you can make small, targeted changes now, based on a good understanding of where those feelings are coming from, you'll be in a good position to do an end run around burnout.
